That's Not Going to Work!
Often, when I begin to make recommendations as I’m coaching a parent, the parent goes into this frenzy of telling me that she has already tried this, and that, and the other thing. “I’ve tried everything!” He’s just lazy. She just doesn't want to do it.
I completely finally understood this feeling when I became a mother and while trying everything to help my infant fall asleep for naps and at night, without him crying himself to sleep, all of my efforts seemed to fail. I read books, articles, blogs, and message boards. I asked every mother I know what worked for them. I tried it all, but nothing worked, he still cried hard before falling asleep.
At times, I wanted to pull my hair out and cry with him. In those moments I asked my husband to take over while I stepped away for a few minutes. Otherwise, I would not be able to remain objective and mindfully support my baby.
What was important was to continue to be compassionate toward his struggle. Of course, children don’t mean to upset us intentionally, unless they’re looking for help with something.
Practice what you preach, Shakeh, I thought, when all has failed, start over! Regardless of age, children change, your family dynamics are evolving moment to moment, what may have not worked a month ago, may work now.
I reread the books and the articles. I don’t know if something worked. Maybe it was a phase he had to go through. What’s important is that he only cries 1% of the time now before falling asleep compared to 99%.
What’s important is that you don’t feel hopeless and give up. What matters is that you know in your heart you did all you could. You remained sympathetic toward your child and tried to help him or her in the best way you could. You didn’t give up. Don’t give up.
In the wise words of Thomas Edison, “When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this; you haven’t.”